Before & after. Live on Instagram.
So many squares of notable, linear transformations.
How do they get from B->A so quickly?
Am I doing something wrong? When I decide I want to change something in my life or business, it looks more like:
- Crying in the shower, asking ‘why me’.
- Feeling anxious, stressed, doubtful, unsure
- Questioning myself every day
- Having freakouts
- Lashing out at my child
- Feeling negative all day
- Having a huge to-do list but watching 4 seasons of the Last Kingdom (Uhtred, save me!)
- Trying to meditate but it ain’t happening
- Doing all the things I ‘should’ be doing and seeing absolutely no change.
Meh. Why doesn’t anybody talk about the messy-in-between? Those moments when things aren’t going your way & you find yourself crying in a dark corner alone, more often than not?
Those days when you want to keep working towards your goals, but see no reason to believe you’ll get there?
Oh and those days when you feel like you just can’t stay on track, so you stay in bed all day screaming to no one – “where are you AFTER?”
The average mis-leader will say, “This is where I started, and look at me today! This is possible for you TOO in this same exact timeline, if you follow my formula” – but that’s a lie.
I wish more people would say, “ I wanted to have____________, I’m in the mess, this is what it looks like…”
Where are you, champions of the mess, deniers of “the after”?
I know you’re here.
Why doesn’t anyone admit we exist? We like to complain, to be negative, to feel badly, rage and we believe in acknowledging the messy moments for what they are – chaos, loss of control.
It doesn’t make logical sense to continue, that discomfort feels like it’ll last forever – it’ll never work!
Those picture perfect IG squares are a scheme to make us feel badly about our version of the ‘before’. We’re not stuck, we’re simply experiencing disorder.
I’m starting the Messy Middle Movement – we’re in the shitstorm, we can share authentic shitty moments and say we’re NOT OK!
We can keep going towards our goal, or not, but we know we’ll eventually get there. Because there’s no such thing as ‘after’, only how we experience the messy middle.
Here’s how I teach my clients to “ride the mess”:
- Ground in your body – know that coming back into your body will always help you get out of your head. Much of the mess is experienced in our minds, and when you activate your senses (smell, taste, hearing, sight), you will move out of your head more quickly. Some suggestions – go for a walk, diffuse essential oils, get a massage, stretch, touch something soft, hug someone and just FEEL YOUR BODY.
- Acknowledge how you feel – shine a light on those feelings, thoughts, even when they bring you discomfort. When you are feeling stuck and like nothing is going your way, take a seat, breathe deeply and allow yourself to feel the emotions. You don’t need to ‘do’ anything – just be with them.
- Surround yourself with people who are compassionate, understanding who will listen to you – The best thing to have is a shoulder to cry on, the worst thing to have is ‘advice’. To experience the mess fully, understand the lessons and bounce back stronger, and you’ll want to hear yourself and have someone your trust hear you too. Advice is tough to take in when you’re ‘in the mess’, so choose to be around people who will want to listen and make you feel comfortable.
- Don’t scroll on social media – This is completely subjective to my experience, but I know myself, and in messy times, I tend to compare myself to others. Social media exacerbates comparison-itis in me. If that’s not you, carry on 🙂
- Write lists & doodle – There’s no better time for creative expression. Writing lists will keep your mind organized! Write out lists of times when you’ve handled messy situations, of times when you’ve transformed, of things that happen on a good day, of things you want to experiences, places you want to visit, new restaurants you want to try… and doodle away right on those lists. These actions shift your current line of thinking and shift your focus towards activating your creative mind.
You’ve got this! The messy middle can feel intense, but how you experience it is up to you.